Hi my name is June, I am a 21 year old female, and I just recently heard you speak to a group of young women about self-confidence. As a child my mother verbally abused me, and all the things she’s said to me I just can’t seem to get over. It’s controlling my life and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t think I am beautiful, because everyone always talks about how skinny I am, and I’ve started to eat a lot more just so I can gain weight. I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see. I wish I had curves to make me more beautiful, so people could stop being so hard on me about my weight. I really want to love myself but I just think it’s impossible.
June,
You are not skinny it’s called svelte! You are doing what so many of us women do to OURSELVES, and believe the insanity that other people tell us! Love yourself, because you deserve it! God made no mistake when he created you. I know how hard it is not to listen to criticism or comments others make but at the end of the day the most important person’s opinion is YOURS! Forget what they think. There is NOT one standard of beauty. And certainly being thin or skinny as you described it is no reason to NOT think you are beautiful. Beauty is not solely about the outside, it is also about how you treat others, how wonderful a friend, daughter, and sister you are. You are a beautiful young woman who is blossoming and learning to stand up for your self and go out on your own.. these are important times and you are building you character and self worth.. so invest in you! You deserve to love yourself and be happy with who you are.
We all think the grass is greener on the other side. All of us can think of things we want to change (be taller, thinner, curvier, have longer hair, darker skin), but the most important thing is that you should be healthy and happy in life. So if you want to be a bit curvier that’s OK, workout and eat right and see what changes you can make. But your body type might be one that is just naturally slimmer (which soooooooo many women would die for), and you may have a small frame and those things will never change. So instead of being so hard on yourself for a body type that you cannot change, learn to build your confidence and revel in the fact that you are a young, beautiful woman ready to take on life.
It’s NOT impossible for you to love you… but you have to BELIEVE that you are worth SELF love! (Notice I didn’t say the love of others… you really must love yourself first.
(1) Start with an affirmation that you tell yourself every day… Read it aloud in the mirror.. it can be anything you want it to be.
(2) Make a list: Why I love me: and post it in your room. It could say something like: I love me because I am: smart, sassy, caring, flirty, beautiful… the list is endless… and refer to it when you have rough days
(3) Lastly, and I say this with a smile… you never know some of those folks who may make fun of you and tease you for being “slim” may just be jealous… you never know
So my dear, It’s summer time and a time for happiness… turn over a new leaf and start loving you because you are fabulous!
Dr. V