Grief is a natural human response to the loss of a loved one. It is normal for survivors to experience grief that maninfests in differnet emotions and stages. Dealing with loss survivors move in and out of stages of grief from disbelief and denial, to anger and guilt, to finding a source of comfort, and to eventually adjusting to the loss. The grieving process is individual and can take many years and many forms. It may possibly include a combination of therapies such as crisis intervention, individual, family or group therapy, peer support groups or medication. No ONE single method or strategy for healing helps EVERYONE cope. Allow those you love (and yourself) to go through their (your) own grieving process, and simply just be there to support and care for them as they move through it. The grieving process is all about challenging acceptance of death as the end stage of life.

Coping with sudden loss is differet than the anticipated loss of a loved one. Although it is no easier to deal with the inevitable loss of a loved one, there is time to prepare for a loved one’s passing. Thereis time to say goodbye, make plans, resolve issues, and have closure. The sudden loss of a loved one that happens unexpectedly – such as a fatal accident, murder, or heart attack – can leave survivors feeling shocked and confused. Loved ones are often left with many questions, unresolved issues, and a range of emotions and feelings, including anger, disbelief, horror, isolation, guilt, and pain. Support from family, friends, and clergy is vital to cope. With a sudden or violent loss such as suicide, or murder often, deep grief, isolation, and even shame can be felt, as there may be a stigma associated among friends and the community.

Depending on the event it can be very distressing to have public or media involvement while going through the grieving process. These outside influences can be can very disorienting during a very vulnerable time. The inability to have privacy due to the degree of outside intrusive influences can intensify the feelings and emotions experienced during the grieving process.

Repeat images of the tragedy can further intensify the shock loves ones feel. The recent shooting in Aurora, Colorado was not only horrific for those who lived through it but also extremely overwhelming for loved ones and survivors awaiting official notification and the return of remains. In this age of access, information is everywhere at the touch of a keystroke. Therefore, it is important to have truthful and official information released. Families need this in order to honor, respect, and protect their loved one. The cause of the untimely passing of Whitney Houston was prematurely determined and discussed by millions to be a result of a drug overdose, weeks before the coroner ever determined and signed off on a cause of death. Her death was sensationalized while her family grieved. What is even more tragic is that Whitney didn’t die of a drug overdose and millions didn’t discuss that!

Families need a SUPPORITVE, LOYAL environment that encourages private time to deal with their emotions. Otherwise they lose a piece of their loved one before they ever have time to deal with their loss.

It is natural to experience many symptoms of grief that can be physical, emotional or spiritual symptoms.

Physical symptoms:
• Lack of energy, fatigue
• Headaches and upset stomach
• Excessive sleeping or overworking and excessive activity.

Emotional symptoms:
• Memory lapses, distraction, and preoccupation
• Irritability
• Depression, or even feelings of euphoria
• Extreme anger or, feelings of apathy – being resigned to the situation

Spiritual symptoms:
• Feelings of being closer to God or, feelings of anger at God
• Strengthening of faith or questioning of faith

Loved ones left behind will move through many stages of grief. And the grieving process can last for several months, 1-2years or longer. The stages of grief vary from person-to-person and do not have to occur in a set order. People may also move in and out of these stages at different times throughout the grieving process. These stages include:
• Shock
• Depression, loneliness, sense of isolation
• Physical symptoms
• Feelings of panic
• Guilt
• Anger
• Inability to return to daily routine
• Return of feelings of hopefulness
• Acceptance
If you or a loved one would like assistance or support dealing with the grieving process; or if you have been grieving for longer than you think talk to a professional counselor for assistance. Your doctor can refer you to a mental health professional such as a social worker, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. Or you may prefer to speak with your spiritual leader such as a priest, rabbi, or minister for advice. Whomever you choose the best provider to help deal with this sudden loss is one who:
• Has extreme sensitivity
• Doesn’t push you to “Just move on” – but realizes there was no time to prepare for the loss or say goodbye
• Understands “unfinished business” – unresolved issues surrounding dealing with conflicts, resentment, hopes and dreams.