Depending on the event it can be very distressing to have public or media involvement while going through the grieving process. These outside influences can be can very disorienting during a very vulnerable time. The inability to have privacy due to the degree of outside intrusive influences can intensify the feelings and emotions experienced during the grieving process.

Repeat images of the tragedy can further intensify the shock loves ones feel. The recent shooting in Aurora, Colorado was not only horrific for those who lived through it but also extremely overwhelming for loved ones and survivors awaiting official notification and the return of remains. In this age of access, information is everywhere at the touch of a keystroke. Therefore, it is important to have truthful and official information released. Families need this in order to honor, respect, and protect their loved one. The cause of the untimely passing of Whitney Houston was prematurely determined and discussed by millions to be a result of a drug overdose, weeks before the coroner ever determined and signed off on a cause of death. Her death was sensationalized while her family grieved. What is even more tragic is that Whitney didn’t die of a drug overdose and millions didn’t discuss that!

Families need a SUPPORITVE, LOYAL environment that encourages private time to deal with their emotions. Otherwise they lose a piece of their loved one before they ever have time to deal with their loss.

It is natural to experience many symptoms of grief that can be physical, emotional or spiritual symptoms.

Physical symptoms:
• Lack of energy, fatigue
• Headaches and upset stomach
• Excessive sleeping or overworking and excessive activity.

Emotional symptoms:
• Memory lapses, distraction, and preoccupation
• Irritability
• Depression, or even feelings of euphoria
• Extreme anger or, feelings of apathy – being resigned to the situation

Spiritual symptoms:
• Feelings of being closer to God or, feelings of anger at God
• Strengthening of faith or questioning of faith

Loved ones left behind will move through many stages of grief. And the grieving process can last for several months, 1-2years or longer. The stages of grief vary from person-to-person and do not have to occur in a set order. People may also move in and out of these stages at different times throughout the grieving process. These stages include:
• Shock
• Depression, loneliness, sense of isolation
• Physical symptoms
• Feelings of panic
• Guilt
• Anger
• Inability to return to daily routine
• Return of feelings of hopefulness
• Acceptance
If you or a loved one would like assistance or support dealing with the grieving process; or if you have been grieving for longer than you think talk to a professional counselor for assistance. Your doctor can refer you to a mental health professional such as a social worker, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. Or you may prefer to speak with your spiritual leader such as a priest, rabbi, or minister for advice. Whomever you choose the best provider to help deal with this sudden loss is one who:
• Has extreme sensitivity
• Doesn’t push you to “Just move on” – but realizes there was no time to prepare for the loss or say goodbye
• Understands “unfinished business” – unresolved issues surrounding dealing with conflicts, resentment, hopes and dreams.

The healing process is different for everyone and can be lengthy. Allow yourself to go through YOUR OWN grieving process and:
• realize you will have good and bad days: its OK to laugh, cry, get ANGRY
• share your feelings with others
• journal put your feelings to paper
• concentrate on living
• eat regularly .. even if you don’t feel like it
• do things to make you feel good
• forgive yourself
• go at your own pace – the process is separate and individual for everyone

There are many things you can do to support someone mourning, including:
• sending cards or flowers
• preparing food
• providing child care
• doing chores: mowing the lawn, cleaning the house
• contributing to a cause which is meaningful to the family
• offering transportation
READ this .. BEFORE you offer HELP or SUPPORT:
• Simply be available. Sometimes, those grieving don’t want to talk or listen, NOR do they want YOU to talk or listen. They simply want you to be there for them.
• Allow them their full range of emotions. This could include anger and bitterness.
• DON’T say you know how the other person is feeling.
• Be patient and understanding, but not patronizing.
• Don’t force the person to talk or share feelings if he/she doesn’t want to.
• Don’t be scared to mention the deceased person’s name or share a memory of the person in the company of those who are grieving. Others are thinking about the deceased person, so it is acceptable and natural to bring the name up conversation.
• Remember grieving takes time and is individualized. You may want to “stop the pain,” but those grieving must go through THEIR grieving process in THEIR time.
Will I feel better when Justice is Served?
For those who have lost someone as a result of trauma, justice may never be served. Experiencing the judiciary process is wrought with highs and lows; and the process can be very lengthy which adds additional stress to the grieving process. For some it slows grieving and closure as loved ones lose the ability to regain balance and control. Working with a counselor or therapist during this time can be essential to dealing with the judicial system while seeking closure.

Click here (link for Dr. V Recommends) to find resources if you or a loved one is in need of support in dealing with the loss of a loved one.